How hot is Florida in July?

July 27, 2014 at 8:30 pm (Icepick) (, , , )

Cross-posted to The Kitchen Drawer on 7/27/2014 08:35:00 PM

Hot enough to melt people’s brains.

A friend of mine, Heather Fallon, posted this example to FaceBook:

Posted Friday, 7/25

A few days ago, 9 year old Jake and our 14 year old neighbor, ventured out (with full parental permissions) on their bikes, wearing helmets, with cell phones, cash, and water bottles, for a 3 mile bike ride (sidewalk the WHOLE route) to the comic book store. Just as they got to their destination, two deputy sheriffs AND a state trooper pulled up in front of them. Someone called 911 and said “it’s way too hot for two young boys to be riding bikes.” The caller described the youngest boy as being “FIVE”. His neighborhood friend who has been our neighbor for 14 years (ALL OF JAKE’S LIFE), when asked by the Po-Po, said Jake was “I dunno. Like 5 or 6 maybe.” Parents were called and went and retrieved the boys. I wasn’t there but I think Billy asked the cops something like, “WTF? Y’all got nuthin’ better to do? THREE cop cars had to respond? They had helmets. They biked together. They had a phone and made a call home at their halfway mark. We finally get them out of the video game CAVE and What did they do WRONG?” They answered a complaint from someone alleging two boys were in danger. From heat. Outside. In Florida. In July. And then just as the words “heat exhaustion” were mentioned, Jake hurled red Gatorade.

Yep. Reminds me of the police showing up in force at my house late last year because someone called the cops on me for having abducted a child. The child was my daughter, and apparently someone heard me tell her, “Catherine, I won’t leave you behind. I will never leave you behind,” and took that to mean I was kidnapping her. (What I was actually doing was reassuring my very cranky child that I wasn’t, you know, going to leave her behind someplace.)

All of which gets me to a conversation at our household this morning:

Wife: It’s National Parents Day!
Me: Huh.
Wife: I think this means we can run away!
Daughter: _I_ don’t want to run away!
Wife: You weren’t invited!

I’m pretty sure that could get us arrested.

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Parental Observation #7

March 27, 2014 at 7:55 pm (Icepick) ()

Things were tougher when we were kids. And get off Donna’s lawn!

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Parental Obeservation #6

March 27, 2014 at 9:53 am (Icepick) ()

Education is confusing, because things aren’t what they used to be. For example, when I was a child we had four oceans and nine planets. Since then we’ve gained an ocean and lost a planet. Not to mention that whole mess with dinosaurs not really being extinct anymore, and the confusion with what to call a brontosaurus.

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Parental Observation #5

January 20, 2014 at 3:17 pm (Icepick) ()

Donna B. left the following comment to an earlier observation.

You are doing well to document these times. You can refer back to this when you are the grandparent of a 3-year-old. It will help you in teaching them to better master the skills that drive their parents nuts. Payback is fun!

The moral of the story: Revenge is a dish best served old.

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Parental Observation #4

January 20, 2014 at 3:13 pm (Icepick) ()

They’re little angels when they’re asleep.

They’re not little angels nearly often enough.

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Parental Observation #3

January 14, 2014 at 10:07 pm (Icepick) ()

Every day in which you don’t eat their head must be counted as at least a partial success.

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Parental Observation #2

January 14, 2014 at 6:46 pm (Icepick) ()

It’s always funnier when it happens to someone else. (This is more widely applicable to the human condition, of course.)

Example: My wife sent me an email earlier this afternoon, which read:

I saw your post on Ambiance. ([Amba] shared it on FB.) I laughed and laughed. Then I realized you wrote it.

We’ve all been there.

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Parental Observation #1

January 14, 2014 at 2:54 pm (Icepick) ()

The “Terrible Twos” are merely a marketing ploy by three year-olds, designed to throw parents off the track of how bad three year-olds behave. You see, by the time a child hits three they become very capable, in an absolute sense. By this I mean they know how things work: doors, locks, caps on spice bottles, plumbing fixtures, ladders, chain saws, lathes, Machiavellian interpersonal machinations, etc. They can do a lot with those skills, in an absolute sense. And they all have the same kind of outlook on law and order that one would expect of devotees of the Anarchist Cookbook. Do you have any idea of the harm an anarchist can do with spice bottle caps and a lathe? If you answer yes, you have probably been a parent of a three year-old at some point in your life.

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