Thank you for [not] sharing.

Just because I’m drunk on self-inflicted sleep deprivation, I’m going to inflict a journal entry on you. But I’m putting it here, not on Facebook, so only the true masochists will make the effort to see it.


Went to see a film about John Berger. He’s still alive! A hearty 90, smoking and shoveling snow. But he just lost his wife. I went to see it because his short story about a farmer and a calf so haunts me. He went native in a French peasant village 40 years ago. I was a little disappointed to see he is still something of a cultural sophisticate after 40 years of helping with milking and haying. When young he was beautiful and self-dramatizing, with a mop of wavy black hair, high cheekbones and a prominent nose, a sort of Leonard Cohen or Leonard Bernstein of radical art criticism. He’s a beautiful old man, rugged and luminous, with beseeching eyes,


and his dialectics are at least simplified and more enigmatic, the fancy edges worn off. . . . The film, much of it, was annoyingly hip and formless. As if form were a form of capitalist colonial oppression. But I could look at Tilda Swinton forever. She looks like a 6- or 7-month fetus, when they are fully formed but haven’t yet put on any fat.

I realized that I am something of a radical, in terms of despising the worship of money, the loving of it more than life. (There’s a desperation about it, the flight from death that it is, that only makes things worse, gives you more to flee from.) But I see it almost the way an old Catholic would, not as a flaw in “the system” but in human nature, the way we cleverly hot-wire and short-circuit our own brains. And in that way I’m more of a conservative . . . except I don’t think returning to tradition is the answer, because tradition isn’t adapted to the modern world. [Which leaves me feeling] we’re fucked.


Author: amba12

Continuing the conversation that started at AmbivaBlog ...

5 thoughts on “Thank you for [not] sharing.”

  1. Would it be true masochists who find this and click on a link, or those who carry a glimmer of hope in their heart that there’ll be something new under the sun this day, or at least, a repeat of something worthy of consideration?

  2. Yup. Not masochists . . . unless you count returning occasionally in the hopes that you have posted something as masochism.

    But I have limits. I’m going to check the “Notiry me of new posts” box. Wouldn’t want to miss something.

  3. When I read an article last week written by Robin Williams’ wife Susan about his post death diagnosis of Lewy Body Dementia, I thought of Amba and Ambiance with feelings of sorrow and appreciation coming up, as it was here at this blog that I first heard about and learned more through a real life experience of LBD. I’m grateful for that awareness and connection, even as the cost and loss became clear.

    Thank you for sharing, then and now.

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