That’s Amore!

August 4, 2009 at 9:29 am (By Amba)

Received in a humor e-mail this morning.  Some are better than others.  Go ahead, top them!

For many years now, there has been circulating a continuously expanding poem. Its leaping-off place is the first verse of “That’s Amore,” the song by Harry Warren and Jack Brooks made famous by crooner Dean Martin:

When the moon hits your eye
Like a big pizza pie,
That’s amore.

Around the turn of the century we are living in, Frank Rubin, of Wappinger Falls, New York, came up with the idea of writing some additional verses and inviting others to contribute theirs to his Web site. Soon, the science-fiction writer Spider Robinson picked up the idea on his site.  Sure enough, something about the rhythm of the lines and the sounds of that last line inspired punsters to soar hilariously from the launch pad of the original. Sing along with the best of the take-offs:

Ray Charles gained so much fame
That his fans screamed his name:
“Sing some more, Ray!”

When the yup bought his Deere,
All the neighbors did hear,
“That’s a mower, eh!”

A New Zealander man
With a permanent tan:
That’s a Maori

If your vitamins be
Mainly C, D, and E,
Take some more A

When Canadians show
You their mothers, they go,
“That’s my mawr, eh.”

He stole bases for thrills,
And his last name is Wills.
That’s a Maury.

When an eel bites your hand
And that’s not what you planned
That’s a moray.

When our habits are strange
And our customs deranged
That’s our mores.

When your horse munches straw
And the bales total four
That’s some more hay.

When Othello’s poor wife
She gets stabbed with a knife
That’s a Moor, eh?

When a snack you desire
Toasted over a fire,
That’s a smore, eh?

When your sheep go to graze
In a damp marshy place,
That’s a moor, eh?

When you’re soaking up sun
At the beach, having fun
That’s some more rays.

When “The Fonz” gives a shout
‘Cause he likes whats turned out,
That’s some more “Aaaayyyy”s

When your boat comes home fine
And you tied up her line
That’s a moor, eh?

When humidity’s high
Can’t see far with your eyes
That’s some more haze.

When your paycheck augments
With more dollars and cents
That’s some more raise!

When you want to cut grass
and it must be done fast,
That’s a mower, eh?

When you ace your last tests
Like you did all the rest
That’s some more “A”s!

When you’ve had quite enough
Of this bad rhyming stuff
That’s “No more!”, eh?

When on Mt. Cook you see
An aborigine,
That’s a Maori.

A comedian-ham
With the name Amsterdam
That’s a Morey.

When the school says “Don’t worry,
Learn to dance in a hurry.”,
Thats A (rthur) Murray.

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31 Comments

  1. Ruth Anne said,

    I’m in heaven.

  2. amba12 said,

    This is what’s commonly known as a Ruth Anne Trap! :D

  3. PatHMV said,

    When you’re by the fire
    Toasting food you admire,
    That’s s’mores, eh?

  4. PatHMV said,

    Oh, dang. Didn’t see that there was already a s’mores in the list.

  5. PatHMV said,

    When your boat is tied down
    To a cleat on the ground,
    That’s a mooring

  6. PatHMV said,

    When the sun hits your eye
    And the moon has to fly,
    That’s tomorray…

  7. PatHMV said,

    Would somebody please stop me? Please?

    For the record, for that “tomorray” in my last one, I’m hearing a severe Scottish accent saying “tomorrow.”

  8. PatHMV said,

    When your brother hits you
    At the frat with a shoe,
    That’s some more haze.

  9. PatHMV said,

    When you add two plus two
    And multiply by two, too,
    That’s, um, more, eh?

  10. PatHMV said,

    I’m still waiting for someone to heed my request in #7. Please? I need an intervention.

  11. reader_iam said,

    When the puns hit the mind
    And they’re all you can find
    That’s a foray.

    ***

    Does that help any, Pat?

  12. reader_iam said,

    Hmm, probably not: more diagnosis than cure.

    ; )

  13. PatHMV said,

    When you write a new song
    Instead of work all day long,
    That’s no more raise.

  14. PatHMV said,

    Yeah, that’s a big help there, reader. Thank you so much… ;-)

    I’m going to try repeating my new lines at #13, see if that can get me to focus on work.

  15. PatHMV said,

    When a Canuck named Yute
    Takes voice lessons in Ute,
    That’s no more “eh’s”

  16. amba12 said,

    Pat: you asked to be stopped when you were just getting started! You must’ve felt yourself accelerating!

  17. PatHMV said,

    You know, I’m actually quite astonished at how many variations on this theme are possible with the English language.

    I do notice how only the first one in the list was daring enough to change the initial word of the last line.

  18. PatHMV said,

    When the knife hits your eye
    And you must say goodbye,
    That’s a morte.

    Dang! Now I’m turning morbid with it!

  19. amba12 said,

    When your silk looks like ink
    that’s been dipped in the drink
    that’s a moiré!

  20. Ron said,

    In Pig Latin, she’ll sing
    And to Heaven she’ll bring
    That’s a whore-may!

  21. Ron said,

    When you simply confess
    You’re divine in that dress,
    That’s Dior, hey!

  22. Ron said,

    When in class you still snooze
    Though your funding you’ll lose
    That’s a bore-ay!

  23. Ron said,

    When you’re tired and frayed
    By mistake retail’s paid
    That’s an Oy-vay!

  24. Ron said,

    Does the POTUS show class
    as he stares at your ass
    That’s an ‘ooo…may…’

  25. amba12 said,

    If it’s big, brown, and fat,
    Looks and acts like a rat,
    That’s a Norway.

  26. amba12 said,

    Not too pleased with my tan,
    I got bare naked and
    got some more rays.

  27. Ron said,

    Though it’s Old French, it’s cool
    ’cause you like Pantagruel
    That’s Rabelais!

  28. Maxwell said,

    When an eel bites your hand
    And that’s not what you planned
    That’s a moray.

    I’ve got better:

    When an eel wants a meal,
    bites your heel and you squeal,
    “That’s a moray!”

  29. PatHMV said,

    What a weird bunch of people hang out here. Brilliant, but very weird. :)

  30. amba12 said,

    Yes!! Way better, Maxwell!!

    Pat, ever see “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” Remember when the bad guys knocked “Shave and a haircut . . .” and try as he might, Roger couldn’t help bursting through the wall with “TWOOO BIIIIIIIIIITS!!!”

    That’s us.

  31. Colin Melville said,

    There’s a stampeding sound
    Then you’re razed to the ground
    That’s a moo-raze.

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