Tom Sawyer-Worthy? [UPDATED: Weirder, Grosser]

June 30, 2009 at 3:49 am (By Amba)

Could I get someone to whitewash a fence for a look at that?

It demands a tall tale.  All that happened, though, was that in the struggle to get J to lie down sideways on the bed instead of backwards across it — so I could get the sling for the Hoyer lift under him — he slid off onto the carpet, and then (what the hell) in the struggle to get him properly positioned on the floor, instead, I set the mobile arm of the lift swinging and it swung the point of one end into my forehead.  No real harm done, no stars or birdies; just a cartoon egg that popped up almost instantaneously, like in “Popeye.”  Nothing compared to the awful sundowner meltdown J had last night — agitated, paranoid, defying reality and me as its two-timing agent until, after two hours or more, he finally wore himself out.  Not a trace of that today.  What’s a little bump on the head?

“Make sure it doesn’t hit you again right on the same place,” J said as I worked to get him strapped to the lift and up off the floor.

“No, I’m going to make sure it hits me on the other side this time so I look like I’m growing two horns,” I said.


I pumped J up off the floor and got him on the wheelchair and we went off to get summer haircuts at Great Clips.

UPDATE: The inevitable shiner, and worse:



  1. Randy said,

    That looks awful. And painful. How are you feeling this morning?

  2. amba12 said,

    Perfectly fine, except for a superficially sore forehead. It never did hurt much, just did that comic-book egg thing. Next: colors. Kind of a freak accident, good for some drama-queen mileage if I wanted to play it that way. :)

  3. PatHMV said,

    Ouch! Just make sure no do-gooder social worker type spots you with that, or they’ll have the state bureaucracy inserting itself into your lives in a major way before you can say “Huck Finn.”

  4. Donna B. said,

    It’s going to be much “prettier” in a day or so. :-(

  5. Ron said,

    [Austin Powers voice] If you got a matching lump, would that make you horny, baby? All signs point to “Yes!”

  6. amba12 said,

    Pat: Hmmm, wonder if that’s why they call ’em “bangs.” Heh.

    Donna: I know, it’s already sacrificing height for hue. Might even get a black eye out of it! Pity party!

    Ron: horny like a unicorn. Associated with virgins. (I once interviewed some hippies in Mendocino who’d recreated the unicorn by fusing the “horn buds” of baby goats. I was thinking “horn buds” yesterday.)

  7. PatHMV said,

    Hmmm…. I like that explanation better than the real one. Let’s start an urban mythical etymology!

  8. amba12 said,

    “One of the earliest written examples of this expanded sense of ‘bang’ refers to slamming a door, an apparently universal human action which may yet prove to be as great an instrument of self- expression as the typewriter.” That’s good!

  9. Ron said,

    “horn buds” sounds like something you’d smoke that would make the pork tenderloin in the market look very, very fetching…

  10. karen said,

    My initial reaction to the photo is tears– w/my hand over my mouth. Lord.

    Then, of course, the comments… i feel like i’m losing it between the sniffles and the laughs.

    … and amazed that you have so many new posts. I like Anchoress’ take on Palin today much better than anyone else’s so far(a wayward ~’~?) Oh well- i gotta go. I’m finally getting over the loss of Ambivablog– i miss a few faces, though. Real? Either that, or you’ve managed to turn this into Ambiva 2!! Love you– please, be careful?

    Give J a hug for me- what a card.

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