Where I am (ahem) has already turned up a number of amusing yarns, some of which I have relayed to Amba, and now give to you all…
The Menu sign said “Meaty meaty hamburger” which turned out to be an ice cream scoop worth of fried hamburger and onions.
When I noticed the sign said “Fresh Veggies” and when I got to the front of the line and noticed the pale and misshapen things (note to cooks: “Pastel” is normally not a good palette choice for vegetables) and said “Fresh Veggies?”, I was told that he “freshly opened a can and freshly dumped them in the steam table.”
The cookies may be used as grinding wheels on gemstones.
Potatoes aren’t normally grey, right? I’m forgetting already…
You wouldn’t think they could screw up salad (salad!), but yes, they do.
They have yet to come up with a ‘fruit punch’ they didn’t evoke both brake fluid and DDT. A clever way to get you to like water… if that didn’t taste like aluminum.
When they had something that I actually liked (raspberry pie) I went to praise the cooks and got an apology(!) that it wasn’t from their usual supplier! Please fail more often!
There is a person whom I shall call ‘Save The Earth Sue’ who castigates us all for eating so high on the food chain. She is convinced that the Friendly Hippies who make the meals are a kind of gastronomic Wannsee Conference and the side dish of mashed (grey) potatoes and gravy(!!!) we enjoyed meant that we were all, in her words, ‘demons’, which led someone to yell that ‘Even demons must like comfort food.’
Such friendly folks: Someone was rolling joints in the mens room, when someone else washed their hands and turned on the air dryer which led to weed flying around the john. This led the joint roller to scramble to pick up same and test it by sniffing(!) This led to a mishap where he complained that he got some ‘shitball stuck in my nose.’
There is someone who is a very bright person, with a Phd in English Lit who has promptly drank his $750,000 inheritance, and pick up smoking to ‘choose to die as slowly as possible.’ He was quite happy to find out last week he has thyroid cancer. His mostly commonly used nickname? ‘Whiskey Face.’ Think about that one!
Yow, KngFish adds new stuff, pt.1:
We had some actors come in to show us how learning charades could help us find work….Brilliant, or not? (“First word, type of Japanese drama” “Second word, first letter, ‘after L and before N’” “Rest of Second word, bees make it”)
We were also offered a chance to see an all gay male version of Taming of the Shrew to which the Local ACT-TORE and Lover of the THE-A-TRE said, “Oh God, the Liz of their Liz and Dick has a dick!” To which I replied “and not a Burton…just a dick.” How this helps us find work…..I have no idea!
A local church group, who helped me pack up stuff is still interested in my situation and offers help. For what at the moment? I’m unsure. I guess I need gym clothes soon! Never thought the Old Fat Man would say that!
My car is still out in the weeds somewhere….but no longer parked behind my house.
What tha?!? Still typing? Yup…
Whiskeyface is not doing well….off to the ER! Status as yet unknown.
Lunch was ‘Hamburger with bun’, Dinner was ‘Italian Hamburger’ with red and green chunks of peppers? Play-Doh? in it.
Just to amuse you I promise pics of the mighty KngFish in the gym when I can…I know! I think it’s hilarious too! Well, that’s life for ya!